You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
