Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
