Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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