I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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