worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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