there's paper in my vomit.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
