Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
