The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
