when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
he puts the penis in happiness.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Randomize
