I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize