The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
