you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
