I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
