I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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