YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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