Dude my mom stole all your condoms
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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