I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
try to milk me bitch
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