just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
