WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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