why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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