Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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