Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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