At least make sure they are 18
Why
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
