some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
