My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
