I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
