He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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