White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
