i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
