Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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