Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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