hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
