Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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