Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
