my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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