i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
