ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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