Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
