That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
you made out with another girl for some wings
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
