Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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