i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
