so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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