Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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