I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
