Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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