Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
