I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
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