Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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