So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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