you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
