He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
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I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Your topless pictures make me question reality
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
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Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?