People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear