I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.