We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?