was it more than 30 minutes?
then you're in a relationship
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
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new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
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I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.