I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
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does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
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You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor