At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
