Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
