How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
