shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Also, beer. Big fan.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
