yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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