There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
