Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
