Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
