you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
