the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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