mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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