Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
