The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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