There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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