I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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