Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
