Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
