Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
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I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
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At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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