the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
