new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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