Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
