In the future we'll all be gay
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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