you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
