Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
